Let’s Talk Love Podcast Season 5 Episode 6 with Nicole Walters| Transcript
09.11.23
This transcript is from the Let’s Talk Love Podcast, available in our Podcast Feed.
Robin Ducharme | Today I had an enlightening conversation with Nicole Walters. Nicole is a former top selling corporate executive who quit her six figure sales job to pursue her passion and build a multimillion dollar business coaching fellow dreamers and entrepreneurs. She's an in demand motivational speaker, and the New York Times bestselling author of her memoir, Nothing is Missing, A Memoir of living boldly. Talking to Nicole today was like having a chat with a close friend. She is clearly passionate about teaching people how to own their power, and trust. They already have everything they need to succeed. Enjoy. Welcome to Let's Talk Love the podcast that brings you real talk, fresh ideas, and expert insights every week. Our guests are the most trusted voices in love and relationships. And they're here for you with tools, information and friendly advice to help you expand the ways you love, relate and communicate. We tackle the big questions not shying away from the complex, the messy, the awkward and the joyful parts of relationships. I'm your host, Robin Ducharme. Now, Let's Talk Love.
Hello, everyone and welcome to Let's Talk Love. I am so happy to be joined by author, entrepreneur, speaker, podcast host Nicole Walters, New York, New York Times best seller.
Nicole Walters | Yes, I know you have no idea. I'm still adjusting to hearing that because it's so fresh, fresh. And we're like, what a week old maybe.
Robin Ducharme | So when did you, when did you launch right now we're recording this on October 25. When did you launch your book?
Nicole Walters | It was the book came out 11 days ago, which it feels like a year, billions of years ago at this point. But it was 11 days ago. And I found out I was a best seller on the 18th. So that was only five, six days ago. Crazy.
Robin | I think you made a post where you were sitting in a bookstore, you must have been doing your book tour. And somebody told you for the first time. That was great. Yeah, that was that was a great moment.
Nicole | I was like my babies were there. It was just like beyond.
Robin | I feel like I know you, Nicole. And you probably hear this so much. Because I listened to your book. And I've listened. I've been listening to your podcast, I don't have a copy of it in paper. But that's okay. Because I think the audible version is so awesome, because you really, I really just got such a sense of you. And you're so honest and raw. And it was like it was an autobiography. But it was also full of these gems like these lessons.
Nicole | Thank you. So thank you so much. It's it's neat, because I do get to have that relationship with a lot of people. And I'm telling you like Thanksgiving dinner is gonna be so weird because the whole family read it. So now I'm like, well, hello like like my fiance's family. So I'm like, you know, normally you get to sit down. And you know, you haven't talked about your childhood with your in laws, but this is gonna be a very interesting Thanksgiving.
Robin | Wow and there's just so many stories. So that's, that is gonna be great. It's just so vulnerable, which I think you're inviting the listeners to be, because you are so honest, and authentic and vulnerable. That is such a gift that you're able to pass on to other people to be that way too.
Nicole | Thank you so much. Oh, my gosh, you're so generous. i It's interesting, because I get that a lot like Nicole, you're so authentic, you're so vulnerable, You're so honest. And it's interesting, because I don't think that a lot of people realize you can be honest, even if you're not complete, you know, like if you're still in progress, you're still figuring yourself out, you still are learning from the things that have happened or you're evolving from who you were to who you want to be, you can still be vulnerable in the in the moment that meets you. And that's what I really tried to do in this book.
Robin | That's right. So tell us what the what was your idea around writing this book? Why did you write it and also their title is Nothing is Missing. So where did that title come from? And I think that's what you you were just kind of alluding to, right? It's like our journeys. Yeah,
Nicole | Yeah. So I mean, you know, as people read the book, they'll see my evolution from, you know, being a child of first first generation child of immigrants in the US and kind of evolving and trying to figure out where do I fit in, in a very American experience with a very African home and background. And then, you know, growing into the corporate world, and trying to figure that out, and you know, my first marriage and becoming a mother, and they're just there are all these places where I think a lot of us can align and relate. But one thing that I think is pretty universal is we're often feeling like we're chasing the lack, whether that lack is more income, or a different type of love or a different thing with our bodies and so much of our life in a business is around filling that gap. And I realized that you know, until I could fully embrace that nothing was actually missing within me, and that I was really just looking to figure out kind of what I wanted and how I wanted to show up in this world, that I would always have a little bit of sadness and displeasure and discontent. And, you know, and gosh, I wasn't worth it. Because if I already have it, then then everything's good. You know, so this book is sort of taking people on that journey.
Robin | And so you, you talk about, there's just so many stories, we can't go through them all, but we have to go through a few, you have to read the book to get to get it to get everything. But you know, there's just so many fascinating stories, like the one about how, like you, you adopted three girls, three sisters? And can you tell us briefly about how it's not a brief story, but how did you meet? And how did this even happen?
Nicole | For sure, so um, you know, this story is out there, and people can Google it or listen to my podcast. But essentially, I adopted my three girls, their mother was panhandling on the side of the street, and Baltimore and I pulled over and long story short, I found that she had three kids, and I mentored them and supported them with food and things like that, but then she became incarcerated. So when that happened, I, you know, took custody of these three girls. And once her mother, once their mother was released, you know, it just became very clear that we kind of had to figure something else out, because they had settled into a new norm. And we wanted to make sure they remained safe and healthy. And so through the years working with their mother, we figured it out. But ultimately, I became their mother full time, the girls, all three of them. And now I am a mom, to a 12 year old, a 21 year old and a 24 year old, and it is a journey.
Robin | It is a journey. It's the journey, your parenting years started out so differently. Yeah, I think it's just I think it's just a beautiful, beautiful story. And, of course, it's not all butterflies and rainbows. It has all the ups and downs. And one of the one of the truisms that I learned and just was just reiterated from your book, and what you how you talk, Nicole, is how life is so difficult. It really is.
Nicole | Like, it is it is one of those things where people think that if you say life is difficult, that it's the same as saying life is bad, or hard or not good. It's not, you know, I think the world is overwhelmingly good. I think that people are inherently, I absolutely think that life is worth living, you know, and that it can be meaningful and wonderful. I also think that life is really hard, that there are just moments where you have to choose your hard because the options are between hard and hard, you know, not not, and I think that this sort of walking around with this idea that there's a good and bad, you know, there's sort of, I have to always make the good choice. And I always have to do the good thing. It's like, No, we're evolving. You know, maybe in the moment what you did with what you had was what you could do, and it was a type of hard you didn't really want you know, and I think that that is far more valuable to our development as people you know, and our evolution, it's also more grace filled as we run into the the challenges. So yeah, life is difficult. It's the meaning and solving of problems. Yeah.
Robin | And what can you tell us about the parent? Yeah, just go back to parenting verse because you say something in the book that I was like, I would love you to explain the difference, because you say there's a difference between parenting and raising. So, can you explain that to us, please, new call?
Nicole | Yes. And so I say all of this knowing I am not a parenting expert, you know, and I found out through my own errors, you know, so, one of the things that I thought I would be doing first and foremost towards saying, in the book, I discuss how I am a frequent fixer that I am a you know, regular rescuer, you know, these are things I've had to work on myself with because I do like to help people but coming from a place of wanting to fix and rescue all the time is from a place of trauma, and I've had to work on that. Now, with parenting, I've learned that you can actually raise a lot of people in your life if you're not careful. You know, if you're inherently maternally inclined, you can raise yourself a good assistant, you can raise yourself a great husband, you can raise yourself a best friend you can constantly be in a situation where you are trying to take people from where they are because you see the potential and support them into being what you think is their maximum potential. But the truth is, that's really not always a healthy relationship, particularly if they need to do that for themselves. And parenting is kind of like that to parenting is so much guardrails and downloading info and providing resources, but it isn't every single decision. It isn't saving them from getting burned or affected or hardship, you know, And that's the difference. I think when you start thinking, you're just like raising, you're like, my job is to make sure that they're that, you know, their life is good. And they have everything and everything's perfect. And they, they don't feel, you know, any of the negative impacts of life when no parenting is really just like, look, this is what I've learned, you're going to learn new things, some of it's going to work. And some of it's not going to work. But I'm always here for you as support. And that's the one I got, you know, and I will make mistakes. Oh, my gosh, my kids know, I apologize when they know, I make mistakes, you know, and that's what parenting has evolved to, for me, as I've learned, and, and it's really what serving me and I hope my kids most.
Robin | Yes but you know, and you share a lot of times when you've had conversations with your daughters at different times. And I think one of the stories that I remember from your book is when you were going to quit your job and start a new business. And you said to them, okay, I I'm pretty sure like, I'm like, like, let's just say 85 -90% sure, this is gonna work. But if it doesn't, I want you to know that I'm terrified. I'm very scared, it doesn't mean I'm not going to do it. But I want you to know, and how do you feel about this. Right? And your daughters were like, Well, are you still gonna be there? Right? Are you? Are you still going to be
Nicole | And that like gut punch, like, oh, my sweet babies.
Robin | Yes. But that's all that our children, I mean, really, they need that stability, that we aren't going anywhere. And you
Nicole | Are present. And even if it's bad.
Robin | Yes.
Nicole | Like, it's amazing, because I don't know what happens. And I mean, you know, you could probably speak to this better than I could. But when I tell you, something happened to us as adults, where we get so scared, you know, we get so scared of what have like making errors and making mistakes, and we just let that fear kind of dictate aspects of our lives. And kids just really don't come like that. Like, I mean, think about it, a baby literally will walk up to a cliff because they don't know what cliff is dangerous, you know, and just do it. And, and it's important for us to say like, look, I feel fear, but it'll be fine. Because it affirms for them that, oh, you can do things scared and be all right, you know, and so that's why I like to be really honest with my kids, when I don't know an answer. I don't know how things will work out, but also let them know, firmly. I'm doing my best with the info I have. And I'll make the best decisions I can and we'll be okay, no matter what, because we are smart people who are making good choices, you know, so it's not always perfect, but we're doing our best.
Robin | Of course. And so you said at the beginning that you are engaged, and I wanted to talk to you a little bit about that. Congratulations, Nicole. I wanted to first I wanted to talk to you about your relationship with Josh. Now you had a TV a TV show, and it was very open. And I didn't you know, in Canada, we don't get a lot of these shows. It's very sad to me, because I'm like can we get we don't got some of the shows that the US has right.
Nicole | Now, bless Canada, like, honestly, enjoy the purity of your free health care, and your loonies in tune. And your importance, like Trust me, there's nothing wrong there. Just eat poutine and ignore me.
Robin | Like eat poutine and be merry. You were you are now divorced. And you were you were married for 14 years. I mean, you were together for many years before you met your daughters and brought them into your home. And, and this is by just I'm divorced as well. And I'm like, I'm sure you've got, so of course, you've got a life that you had with this man. So we're not here to talk about like the failure, that sort of failure. You said you had this marriage. But what I wanted to talk about was how you the deciding factor and the journey with Josh, and you shared very openly in the book about how you said, at times, you did not have enough space, you didn't have space in your marriage, your own home your own life, you didn't have space to rest or space to grow. You didn't have space to not do. So that kind of goes back to what you were saying before about pleasing and rescuing raising. You felt like you were raising not only your three kids, but him to right. And and also being supportive. No,
Nicole | Right. So I think that what's so interesting is, particularly when you're a public figure in the case of breakups, or any career pivots, even or changing your hair or something, you know, people really feel like, there's got to be a blame or a negativity with that. And it's so interesting, because as I've gotten older, and I've met more people, it almost is never that, you know, it's you know, and I don't hold my ex responsible for the decisions that I made within the marriage. And this means that things I didn't communicate, I just needed different things, you know, and so when I say things like, you know, feeling like you I didn't have space, it was because the person that I had train myself to be in order to function within that household was one that did all the things all the time. And that also trained the people around me to get used to working in that capacity. And when the time came to sort of illustrate, I needed change and boundaries, the speed at which the response that was required was not at the rate that I needed it in order to be okay, you know, so you can say to your kids, you know, mommy really needs you to get potty trained, mommy can't keep changing diapers anymore, you know, or whatever, you know, and they're still going to kind of go at the pace that works for them, you know, so even if mommy really needed it today, it may not arrive today, you know, and so the my need for space was dictated by my health, I could feel my body breaking down. And I knew immediately that I need to change today. And the boundary that I would need to exert in order for that to happen on a starting point was physical, I needed to I needed to remove myself in order to be safe. And when I tell you how wildly unexpected it was, I thought I would be married forever. I said, I'm getting married. But especially because of both the I've there's so much I haven't communicated about it my marriage, you know, because of some of the things that I'd survived and gone through within my marriage. I was like, if I can do this, I can definitely stay married forever, you know, like, why not, but I didn't realize that there's a toll that happens on you physically, you know, that you may not be able to escape, you know, and I talk about that in my book, the importance of recognizing that, even if you think in your mind, you can push through even if you think you know, I can make burnout work for me, I can even if you think that these things are true, your body is a finite being, it is designed to operate sort of outside of self, you know, like I don't will cut to heal, you know, the same way that if my body is overstressed it has a limit, you know, and eventually, your mind is going to have to willingly make choices, including enough to divorce, if that is the thing that's required, in order to make sure that you're able to show up and survive, you know, and, and, you know, by extension of that, also making sure I was being a good example for my girls, you know, in saying, like, look, you know, they were in my home, you know, that they saw the mother that they deserve to have, you know, that they saw me being loved in a way that I deserve to be loved, because they're all officially at the age where they're starting to make a lot of those decisions for themselves. And I did not want them to be in a home that was not reflective of the life that I want them to have. It's not just about the life of the house, the cars, the school, the income, the accolades, you know, I wanted them to have the things that really matter, because I had it all. And I left with three suitcases. And that is pretty telling about where my values lie, you know, and, and that is a big thing I think a lot of moms can relate to.
Robin | You were you're honoring yourself, honoring your children, and you talk a lot in your book about just how very, the most important thing is self care. And because at the end of the day, it's like putting on your own oxygen mask before you're the people that you're taking care of. Because if you're not okay, how could the people that you're taking care of be okay?
Nicole | That's what I'm parenting evolves, you know, so, when you have older kids, it's not the same as when they're younger, they can be perfectly great when they're younger, because the things that they need are more checkboxes, you know, like, make sure there's juice and then for their snack, make sure they have great education foundations. But I noticed, once my youngest was starting to enter her preteens that her needs were different, you know, that it was she was learning more from watching what we were doing, and not just listening to what we were doing, you know, or what we're telling her. And that mattered to me a lot about the examples that she was getting both from who I was in my household, but also examples from my interpersonal relationships. And it just became really important to me to prioritize, making sure that she could get the best mom she deserved, you know, and that I could also put examples of love around her that I felt would affirm her own self worth and what she deserved. So parenting looks different now, it's a lot about examples and practicing what you preach in a way that is so different than when I was younger, when I was just like, you know, go play with that playdough over. She's fine. Just go have that snack and watch a movie, you know, like, no, they're like moms crying, why? You know, and you want to be able to be in a position to articulate that healthfully to them,
Robin | Right. So can you tell us about your journey from going from your divorce to jumping into the dating world? And I don't have a story about how you met Alex, because it wasn't part of the book. And I know it was on your podcast, but can you share with us how that happened.
Nicole | You know, like, I mean, I'm a few years out, you know, from everything, but I'm living it now. Right. So one of the things I'm really big on is I share my my scars and not my scabs. So while I'm still healing, I try not to write about things until I kind of have a better view around what's happened.
Robin | Your scars, not your scabs. I really like that.
Nicole | Yeah, yeah. So I mean, I'm in a place right now, where I am still very much living this relationship. And so I, I could speak on it what I know, you know, the early days, but, you know, I'll know more, I think soon, and I'll be able to share more about that. But in the early days, you know, I can honestly say, I took over a year to not do anything, you know, but I think a lot of people, especially if you've been divorced before, you know that the time from separation and or divorce, that of marriage was likely over long before that, just because you continue to reside with that person and be in that person's presence doesn't mean that you are married at all, you know, and also, for me, as a Christian, you know, there is the marriage of, there's a reason why we have ceremonies versus just signing the paper, you know, and I can tell you that, like, for me, my marriage was not in effect for a very long time. You know, what I mean, there were, there were things there that weren't great. And so the time that I took apart was truly like, healing of self, you know, and discovery of self, and I'm just being completely forthright, I was like, I am good by myself, that was the thing I was seeking to recognize. And you kind of have to come to that when you before you decide to get divorced, right? You know, because when you when you decide to get divorced, you're already saying I would rather be by myself to be in this, I would rather nothing than be in this, I would rather you know, potentially lose it all then be in this and because I where I am right now, I have to know that I physically, mentally spiritually will be okay. You know, because I feel like I'm losing so much of that. And I think anyone who's been through a bad breakup or a divorce is nodding their head ferociously, because they understand, because it's so easy to get comfortable, you know, in what's familiar, you know, and so, in that state the year thereafter, you know, I was like, if I get to pick and choose what I bring into this next life, what do I really want? Like, do I like an adult stuff. I got married at 22. So like, this is like my 40 year old self now saying, Who am I? You know what I mean? What do I even do? I? Do I even really, I mean, an example of this, Robin, a real small example that I again, I think a lot of women who've been through this will relate to, do I even like Mediterranean food, because I never were married. Because my you know, me and my husband never ate it. But do I like it? You know, like, you just start asking yourself questions, and you never really had space to ask yourself before, you know, and you may come away saying no, I really don't still, you know what I mean? But you're really asking yourself these questions, because they are relevant questions. You know, like, it's this weird thing. And very much that's like, where I was, you know, for a long time. And that included, ask myself questions around. Do I even like partnership? Do I even want it to be a wife? Is like, you have failed at this thing is wiping even for you girl, you know, like, and if so what does it look like?
Robin | Right and like do I want to live with somebody again? Like what? Share my closet.
Nicole | I don't want to share? No, you know what I mean? Like, it's so much of that. And so I'm telling you, like, I really wasn't a place where I was like, I don't even know if I want partnership. But then I started saying to myself, you know, I do. One thing that's great for me in partnership is the criticism and the check, right? It's so easy for me to just, like, just steamroll and plow forward with my work. Like I would be in my office all day because I love my work. And I'm passionate and driven and ambitious. And having a home and a partner and a family grounds me a lot.
Robin | I appreciate that Nicole, I think it's like you have you have others in your life. And a partner, especially if they were you know, your equal and you're like, okay, you feel like you're being supported. There, you're being held accountable. Somebody to hold. There's accountability. Yeah.
Nicole | It's like, and that's what I've learned now is that, I mean, you know, and people saw this, you know, I traveled a lot before, you know, I've worked a lot before it wasn't there was no secret that I was always on the go. And now Oh, my gosh, that a homebody that I am. Everything is about wanting to come back. I did come home a lot because of my kids. But I was not happy relationship wise in my home and now romantically I want to be where my partner is. I'm happy at the office because I get to do the best work ever, and I'm so grateful for it. I'm also happy at home. I'm happy in the car by myself. I'm happy at lunch by myself. Like it's just so nice because I took that time to discover what I want and my life is very intentionally built now around what, what I want and how I want to show up and how I feel like I can serve the people I love including my clients, my friends, my peers, my employees best, and that my partner you know, and that is like, that was some hard work therapy, prayer, friends, everything, a lot of loss, a lot of tears, you know, but worth all the laughter on the end.
Robin | Yes, it is beautiful. So we quickly though I wanted to ask you, how did you meet Alex, were you online dating? Were you
Nicole | Online.
Robin | Oh, great.
Nicole | So like, online, it's where I'm at my first 50% American start online now people don't realize it. So one of these days, I think I will probably talk about how I dated online because I dated online and what I've learned differently from a lot of my friends, I was very open minded to not once I realized I wanted partnership, but I also learned like through therapy and stuff that maybe my picker needs evolving. Maybe like half my picker
Robin | You say like your picker is pickers off your picker is broken. But
Nicole | So I needed to date to figure out,
Robin | Yes
Nicole | What I even liked, which was freeing, because I wasn't dating seeking a partner I was dating, seeking friendships, learning experiences, just to figure out where I wanted to be. And when I met this guy, this incredible wonderful, like, I can't tell you how often I'm like, gosh, I can't even believe how good he is. Like when I met this man, I remember thinking to myself, when I wasn't that interested. I was like, I don't know. But I was like, I'm feeling things I haven't felt before in terms of safety, understanding, emotional intelligence, security. He's just he doesn't come with trauma. I'm so blessed. I think I got the last one. You know what I mean by he is just really a good person. Like, I would want to be his friend. And this is something as friends that he has friendships of 30 plus years, people love him, I would want to be his friend, if I wasn't fortunate enough to be his girl. And like that, I like
Robin | I love. I love to quote you, and all that you just said, because I think those are those. I really love all of those things that you just said like the he has, he is a such a great friend, you would choose him as a friend. You felt really safe. That's so important. You just felt every day I feel comfortable and supported and loved, I think just beautiful. Okay, so tell me about how in your business, as well as just in your book, you talk about identifying your gift, and helping in just how it's important for all of us to identify our gifts. And you say, when you go out into the world, you're supposed to be as big as possible and take up as much space as possible with your God given gifts. The best way to honor honor God, if you believe in God, or just you know, your life, is to use your gifts well to serve others. So I want to ask, and I know you do this professionally, as well with your company, and just just with all the work you're doing, how do people, how do we identify our guests?
Nicole | So I think the first thing is it really as and I've evolved into this, I've really evolved away from, you know, the languaging of find your purpose, you know, as the purpose of the destination. Well, that's really scary and dangerous, because it kind of makes it seem like well, what are we doing until then? Right? Like, what am I really is it worthwhile, like, what am I doing, if I'm not in my purpose, and that can be so pressure filled, and, and I just
Robin | Don't know, oh, God, well, then what's my purpose and mostly searching for their purpose that this like some like thing within the universe that you can't quite grasp,
Nicole | You gotta find it, like, you're gonna land on it, miraculously, someday, and it just doesn't work like that, you know, and it's the truth is, in my experience, so thus far, you know, it's that purpose is where you are in the moment, you know, and your gifts of the thing that are helping you navigate that moment. So, you know, if if, in the moment you are, stay at home with your kids, you know, because that is what the season is calling for. That is a really important purpose, you know, and the gifts that you're leveraging and using to navigate in that moment, whether it is organization, patience, research, advocacy, because you know, if you have children with all sorts of, you know, special situations, you've got to advocate for them, you know, all of these different things are really powerful talents that will serve you later. And whatever purpose you're in now is evolving them and growing them. And your sole job in that season is to acknowledge and give yourself credit for leveraging and using those talents to navigate the season you're in and, and then also seek out additional knowledge to expand and amplify those gifts. And so, yes, that also applies in business. You know, I think that I'm not I think I know I've never met a single entrepreneur who's ever had one job. Right one idea.
Robin | Right.
Nicole | And have this world where it's like, oh, you're multi passionate you go from this thing to this thing and too many great ideas. Everybody does every entrepreneur does. The question is how long are you spending in that season evolving the idea and pouring into it to see it become what it needs to be fully, and leveraging and utilizing all your gifts to see that they blossom. And, you know, I have evolved, you know, I was a hardcore, intense business consultant specializing in business development in a corporate capacity, I still do that work. But it isn't all that I am. Because I've evolved in my learning and lessons to realize that I can help people in more ways with what I have. And so I've been leaning into that. So just like writing this book, it wasn't a clear cut business book, it could have been 123, do this, this this. I evolved, you know, so in this season, this is my purpose to helping people live boldly, because it's the thing before the thing, you know, it's a thing before they want to do so. So yeah, it's you know, it's easy to say, living your God given gifts and chase your purpose. But the truth is, like, wherever you are right now, identify your gifts by saying what is helping me get through this season. That's your gifting. Now, now make it better?
Robin | Wow. That's so good. The other thing you talk about is, and this, this was a story that you relayed about Daya, your daughter in school, and how it's like this fallacy of intelligence. And I think this is so in our society, right? It's like, if you're not getting A's, or an or let's just say you don't go to university, then you you're really not that smart. And I think that is like so it's so incorrect. It's so false. Right? I think about my dad who finished grade eight, and he was the most successful person I've ever met. And you share how you went to university for I think it was three years, three and a half years. And then you're like, I can't go back. I mean,
Nicole | What am I doing? Why am I here?
Robin | In the meantime, you've got this super successful career here, your harness, you've harnessing and you're like, growing. And it's like, yeah, but you had this, this fallacy of intelligence of like, I have to do this. And I love the story of how your daughter went, she started applying herself and she went from an F to A C. And she was still just like, Oh, my God, mom, like, what? I'm not gonna get a C and you're like, Are you kidding me right now? We have to celebrate. You went from an F to A C and you like, because you've been applying us like you've been putting FRC at? Sea? That's great. Yeah.
Nicole | That's what you want to celebrate. So just real time, my little one is 12 now and she brought home her first progress report, because she's in middle school. You know, so in middle school, you get like real grades, you know, kind of an elementary school. It's like, yeah, you know, she's not eating the markers, you know, improving, efficient, that old thing. But now she's getting real grades. And it was so interesting, because she got an excellent report, you know, lots of A's, lots of B's, you know, all that good stuff. And I could tell she was really proud of her grades. And I didn't want to take that from her. So, you know, I spent time saying to her, you know, this is excellent. It really shows your understanding of the things that they're teaching you, you know, and I'm really proud because it also shows your effort in turning back and communicating the responses. But I also want to let you know that even if these weren't your grades, I would still love you and think you're like the greatest thing in the world, you know, because your grades aren't everything that you are, you are so many other things, can we talk about a couple of things that you are outside of these grades, and we spend some time just talking about that. She's like, I'm a good friend, I do great dishes, I have fun hairstyles. And I was like, absolutely, you know, so know that this is one piece of who you are. And I'm so proud of it. But if this piece ever changes, it doesn't take away from these other things. And the reason I did that is one if you read my book, because of my childhood, because we you know, so much weight was put on, you know, grades, you know, and rightfully so understanding. So especially being immigrants and realizing, look, you got to navigate this world in this game, like you got to pull up in grades, but part of the blessing of being financially well off. And part of the blessing of you know, having survived that childhood is that I don't get to tell my kids like, look like your grades aren't everything. And if you decide you want to be an entrepreneur, we're going to do that you're not going to escape having to do the work.
Robin | No
Nicole | You're not gonna escape having work ethic and the skills. But you know, there's no work ethic bullet point on your report card. So I want you to be that person and develop that skill and get accolades for it, even if it isn't reflected on this piece of paper that is arbitrarily decided by a human wherever, you know, so just to get a pass on your grades, but we don't let her think that that's everything she is, you know, because it's not all that we are.
Robin | I think it's also just this idea that you don't if you're not a straight A student in school, if you'd if you didn't if you didn't find it, you found it so challenging and you leave school, that doesn't mean you're not smart. And because there's like some of the smartest people I know didn't do graded school, but they're brilliant individuals, they're brilliant people, like their minds are so smart. Right?
Nicole | And also school is not, and there's not knocking it. I mean, like, my goodness, what it takes to get through school is such a great thing about character, it's, it's a skill set, it's a talent, you know, and just everyone has different talents. And some of us are not professional schoolers. You know what I mean? That's just not how we are hardwired, you know, and, and what I can tell you is that a lot of the people I've met who are entrepreneurs, and people who want to be entrepreneurs feel like they've been ill served by the fact that school doesn't really raise entrepreneurs, that it's not teaching adaptability, it's not teaching some of the skill sets that are required to be successful, you know, some of these soft skills, some of this adaptability some of this flexibility, it's, it's a structure. Now that structure is so valuable, because I meet entrepreneurs who don't have that structure, and they're not successful, you know. So it really is a balance if you're in school long enough to garner the things you need, then to pursue what you want to pursue. That's what matters most, you know, is putting in the right amount of time. And so many of us will continue to get degrees thinking that that will make us feel ready. When in reality you were you were ready a long time ago and you got to start doing.
Robin | Well, I've just so enjoyed learning from you listening to your book talking to you today. I hope everybody gets a copy of nothing is missing. And and reads it because I was just saying to Maia my colleague that and my friend, my Kirsten that works with me too. I was like, I love this because this is it was it's like a self improvement book. It's a nonfiction it's your story, though. And you're we're learning as we we learn about you. So that was there was just like I said, full of full of lessons. So thank you for writing this book Nicole it was fantastic.
Nicole | Thank you, Robin, thank you for having me here. And it was just such a great time. Thank you.
Robin | Well I'm going to close with a blessing. We do this on all podcasts. And these are with your your your words from the book. So I'm going to be quoting you through this blessing.
Nicole | Wow, awesome.
Robin | May we find happy in each season, and keep moving forward knowing that what we have within us is always enough. Maybe identify our individual gifts, take up space in the world, and share our gifts with those around us. And in your words, Nicole, we all have what we need to heal, to grow, to change and to thrive. May we remember that nothing is missing. So thank you, Nicole.
Nicole | Thank you Robin.
Robin | Please visit RealLoveReady.com To become a member of our community. Submit your relationship questions for our podcast experts. At RealLoveReadypodcast@gmail.com We read everything you send. Be sure to rate and review this podcast. Your feedback helps us get you the relationship advice and guidance you need. The Real Love Ready podcast is recorded and edited by Maia Anstey. Transcriptions by otter.ai and edited by Maia Anstey. We at Real Love Ready acknowledge and express gratitude for the Coast Salish people, stewards of the land on which we work in play, and encourage everyone listening to take a moment to acknowledge and express gratitude for those that have stewarded and continue to steward the land that you live on as well.