10 Takeaways From Masters of Love
You want to have a stable, healthy relationship?
If you are unfamiliar with Psychologist John Gottman and his wife Julie, simply type "The Gottman Method” into Google and you’ll be returned this description; The Gottman Method is a type of therapy which helps couples to improve their relationship. ... It aims to increase intimacy, understanding, and respect, and to remove harmful barriers which prevent productive communication and development.
The Gottman’s have dedicated their entire professional and personal lives to studying relationships, identifying key determinants of success for couples looking to cultivate a long lasting love. So what are these pivotal factors that build sustainability in relationship? The Gottman’s scientific analysis says it’s a simple practice of kindness and generosity.
Emily Esfahani Smith’s interpretation of the lengthy Gottman thesis is perhaps more easily digestible than diving into their actual academic research. Smith opens her 2014 piece for The Atlantic,
“Every day in June, the most popular wedding month of the year, about 13,000 American couples will say “I do,” committing to a lifelong relationship that will be full of friendship, joy, and love that will carry them forward to their final days on this earth.
Except, of course, it doesn’t work out that way for most people. The majority of marriages fail, either ending in divorce and separation or devolving into bitterness and dysfunction.”
We recommend that you read the rest of Smith’s regurgitation of Masters of Love, though, if you don’t have the time, we have made it a little bit easier for you by including the key takeaways and lessons below.
HERE ARE OUR 10 KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THE ATLANTIC’S INTERPRETATION OF MASTERS OF LOVE.
“Science says lasting relationships come down to kindness and generosity.”
“Much of it comes down to the spirit couples bring to a relationship. Do they bring kindness and generosity; or contempt, criticism, and hostility?”
“Contempt is the number one factor that tears couples apart. Kindness, on the other hand, glues couples together.”
“Kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in marriage.”
“Think of kindness as a muscle. You have to exercise it to keep it in shape. A good relationship requires sustained hard work.”
“If you want to have a stable, healthy relationship, exercise kindness early and often.”
“One way to practice kindness is by being generous about your partner’s intentions.The ability to interpret your partner’s actions and intentions charitably can soften the sharp edge of conflict.”
“Those who showed a genuine interest in their partner’s joys were more likely to be together.”
“Among couples who not only endure, but live happily together for years and years, the spirit of kindness and generosity guides them forward.”
“Even in relationships where people are frustrated, it’s almost always the case that there are positive things going on and people trying to do the right thing. A lot of times, a partner is trying to do the right thing even if it’s executed poorly. So appreciate the intent.” Ty Tashiro, Psychologist