Top tips from your In Bloom Speakers
Terry Real — Take a time out.
We’ve all been there — mid-argument and we feel our blood boiling, or tears welling up behind our eyes and we know we’re about to lose composure. On the precipice of losing control of our emotions, reactions, or words and another second will lead to saying or doing something we might regret. Terry’s big tip: call a time-out!
These time-outs are boundaries that need to be set for the well-being of our relationship. Overall, asking for a time-out allows us the necessary time and space to calm down, vent, and regulate our own nervous system vs. releasing our rage, hurtful words and unchecked emotions upon our partners. Allowing ourselves and the argument to have a bit of breathing space can be just what is needed to shift the argument into a constructive conversation.
Hear more from Terry Real on Let’s Talk Love
2. Dr.Ish Major — Be where you are.
The In Bloom theme for this year’s Summit was inspired by Dr.Ish’s “Blossom Where You’re Planted” metaphor. We all experience imposter syndrome, or wanting to be at a place along our path to healing well beyond where we actually are. It can be hard to fully accept ourselves for who we are today or in this moment
Our current culture encourages us to rush through things: be the best, but at what cost? Loving ourselves at all parts of our journey is what Dr.Ish recommends. Maybe we didn’t think we’d be dating while living at home in our 30s, or a single parent with a full time job trying to meet someone new, or divorced and looking for new love all over again — but when we hold ourselves with gentleness and care at every part of our journey, we nurture ourselves to grow in ways we may not have ever imagined.
Hear more from Dr.Ish on Let’s Talk Love
3. Esther Perel — There are no perfect stories
If you’ve watched a rom-com or read a romance novel you might (read: definitely) have come across the narrative that your ideal partner in life has to be “the one”. Well, the advice from world-renowned psychotherapist, Esther Perel is — there is no “one”.
Someone may be the one for right now. Or maybe you grow together, work together, and compromise together to stay together forever. But the idea that one person will fulfill you and all your needs is just not reality. To quote Esther: “Perhaps, instead of looking for a person who checks all the boxes, focus on a person with whom you can imagine yourself writing a story with that entails edits and revisions. As a reminder, there are no perfect stories.”
Hear more from Esther Perel on Let’s Talk Love
4. Danielle LaPorte — By suffering that suffering is overcome
Feelings of discomfort are not exactly where any of us want to spend time dwelling. But, ignoring our suffering, or putting on a brave face only delays the inevitable. “The best way out is always through” to quote Robert Frost. And we know this to be true.
The healing and transformation that happens on the other side is what we want to be working towards. “Radiance comes when the façades go. (And that’s the UPSIDE of suffering.)” says Danielle.
Hear more from Danielle LaPorte on Let’s Talk Love
5. Dr. Alexandra Solomon — Tend to your inner child
It has almost become a buzz-phrase in the world of wellness: heal your inner child and you’ll be able to transform your life. But it is integral to our healing that we don’t lose the gravity of this statement.
Dr. Alexandra Solomon says, “A big part of Relational Self-Awareness is understanding how the past travels with us: how, at times, the past shows up in the present, how our early experiences shape our lives today, how our early experiences, when they were confusing or painful, create constrictions on what we are able to experience in our lives today.“
So, learning to tend to your inner child will directly impact your relationships and communication in your adult life.
Hear more from Dr. Alexandra Solomon on Let’s Talk Love
6. Terri Cole — Curate your own happiness
While Terri has a list of 7 things you can do to weave happiness into your every day we are just going to focus on her Happiness Habit #6: Have a Growth Mindset (Mindset of Evolution). This particular piece of advice fits in well with the theme of In Bloom and our overall approach at Real Love Ready.
“With a growth mindset, you believe that you are capable of change and expansion and that you can improve with effort,” says Terri. You are in the driver’s seat of your own life — and if you believe that growth can happen (even in the hard times), happiness is likely to follow.
