The Single Biggest Dating Mistake Women in their Early Thirties Make
Be very savvy about not wasting your time.
As we wrap up our conversation with Rachel Greenwald, we leave you with one last RLR community member question.
You asked, “What is the single biggest dating mistake women in their early thirties make that detour them from finding love?”
Here is what Rachel had to say,
I am so glad you asked this question, because when you are in your early thirties and frankly in your late twenties, this is a crucial time in your peak dating years where you have to be very savvy about not wasting your time. If you are someone who wants to have kids, you have a very small window here in your early thirties to meet the right person.
The first mistake I see women make is: wasting too much time with the wrong person. So, in your late twenties and early thirties I think about six months is the longest amount of time that you should spend with someone in getting to know them and creating a deep relationship with them - where you are still learning and growing together. But, if you reach the six-months mark and you have very serious concerns that this person is not going to be your future husband, or even a nagging doubt that there is just something wrong or something missing, you should not move beyond six months. I can’t tell you the number of people who have come to me looking for Matchmaking or Dating Coaching and the first words out of their mouth in describing their past relationship history is, “Well, I lived with this guy for two years.” Or, “I dated my college boyfriend for six years.” Or, “We broke up and then we got back together on and off for over five years.” These are quantities of time that are unacceptable, because I would say that deep down you knew this was not the right relationship. You don’t have to know 100% it’s not the right relationship, but if you have a nagging persistent doubt that this is not someone you’re going to marry, do not spend more than six months with that person. Rip the band-aid off. It may be hard because you may love them, but if you do not see a future with them, cut it off.
“The first mistake I see women make is: wasting too much time with the wrong person.”
The second biggest mistake that women in their early thirties and late twenties make is: being too judgemental about someone and expecting perfection from them. There is no perfect man (or woman). The fantasy romance that the perfect man is going to fall into your life and be everything you always dreamed of. That is usually a checklist of ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty items! I’ve had women send me lists of over fifty things that they are looking for. This is not only unrealistic it is just blatantly holding you back from finding the right relationship. There’s a wonderful book that I would suggest you read if you are in your late twenties or early thirties and it is a book by Lori Gottlieb, called Marry Him – the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. Now, I don’t like the title at all. I don’t like the word “settling.” But the book is not about that. It’s an extremely well written and smart book about understanding what are reasonable expectations to have in your mate and things that are going to make you happy, instead of the things that you are being too judgmental about that really don’t matter in the long run. So, things that fall into that category might be height. That’s the most common one I hear that women will say, “I love my high heels. And even though I’m 5’4”, I need a man that’s 6’ tall at least because I like to wear my high heels and I just like a tall man. I am physically attracted only to tall men.” That is just ridiculous! I am here to tell you ladies: if height is a deal-breaker for you, then you really have to examine that and you’ve got to read this book by Lori Gottlieb called, Marry Him. It will really set you straight. That is a symbol of a lot of other superficial things similar to height that you really have to get over and focus on the things of substance; the things that really bring you joy and make you feel an authentic connection to someone. That is going to help you really find true love.
“Don’t be picky about the wrong things. I want you to have high standards about the right things. ”
Number 1: Don’t waste your time.
Number 2: Don’t be picky about the wrong things. I want you to have high standards about the right things. Like somebody who is honest and caring and generous and supportive and all of those wonderful inner qualities. That, my friend, is a list of essentials; but the more superficial things like height or looks or hair or salary, those are the things that are going to really detour you from finding love.